did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
