I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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