similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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