everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
