ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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