Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
