Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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