And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
