I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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