Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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