eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
