I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
