He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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