who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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