I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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