I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
