we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
