There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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