the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize