i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
