I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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