There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
