I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Green mimosas i think yes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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