I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
