Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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