just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
