3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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