I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
