the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
