Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
