i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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