Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
