There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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