She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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