I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
