they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
