Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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