if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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