the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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