i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
