So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
