my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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