she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
