he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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