still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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