He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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