So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
