You're my little dorito
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
