also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
