i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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