if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
