i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
