That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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