i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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