There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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