ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
