is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
