I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
