i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
pray to the hookup gods
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
