i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You ruined the universe
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
