So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
