To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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