I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
