remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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