Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
