remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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