I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
