yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
