i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
