I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
