I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
