Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
