every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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