Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
