Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i barfeds in our rink
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
