when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
