is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
