i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This girl is more easily done than said...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
