Sry I called you an 8
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
