4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
