she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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