Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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