I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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