i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
