Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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