Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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