What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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