fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
