some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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